


Stand Up And Fight

by the_lie_eternal



Series: You're burning with Nightfever [2]
Category: Eisbrecher
Genre: AU, Freedom, Gang, Mention of Death, Mention of Loss, Prequel, backstory of the villian, bad guy, drug war, friends - Freeform, gothkillers, noel became crazy, who is actually a nice guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: There is nobody but myself to become who I am supposed to be, now and for every new day to come.





	Stand Up And Fight

**Author's Note:**

> A songfic to the amazing "Stand Up And Fight" by Turisas!  
> This fic is some kind of prequel to the story of Nightfever, basically how the gang itself was formed and Noel's point of view. This fic ends right where the beginning of Nightfever sets in.

_The pouring rain_

_Sticks my hair to my face_

 

Yet another day my parents kicked me out of the flat, telling me to get lost. Sooner or later they would call me, begging me to come back because they actually cared. But for now and next hours and probably even days I was, once again, on myself. The rain wasn’t much of a help, so I decided to visit my friends – at least they had a semi-roof over their heads.

I wasn’t surprised about the lack of pedestrians, after all no sane human-being would set foot into this storm. I wasn’t a sane human being and neither were my friends. I had to smile as I spotted two of them sitting in their poorly rainproof shelter in an abandoned side street, completely set up all by themselves. Being free, yes, but at what price.

 

_An empty gaze is all I have left_

 

All together, we were a group of five, me being the only one with an actual home. I was only 23 at that time, my friends’ ages ranging up to 30 even. As I arrived in the small shelter, Tanja and Philipp were smiling at me, inviting me on my usual spot around the self-made heater. I was soaked in water and probably looked horrible as ever but they didn’t care, they looked just as shitty as I did.

“Kicked out again, huh?” Tanja asked and boxed against my shoulder. I was glad to call her my best friend, at least one person who wasn’t dick-controlled and focused on “manly things”. Sometimes I needed someone to pull me back onto the ground, even if her views on life and freedom were almost the exact opposite of mine.

“It wasn’t even my fault this time, I swear. My parents just tend to over-react sometimes.” I explained but all of us knew well enough how I was the one and only reason for my own misery.

“Jochen, you’re a dirty liar.” Philipp raised his brows at me and chugged down another sip of a liquid I couldn’t make out. He was completely right but I didn’t want to deepen a conversation about my depressing family. Instead, I decided to mention a topic which we talked about way too often again – freedom.

 

_The stars that once lit my way have dimmed_

_The sky turned grey_

 

“I still can’t understand it. Living as you guys do in this shelter, not giving a shit about anyone or anything … how do you define this as freedom, do you even have a goal?” I muttered. Tanja and Philipp burst out in laughter right after my question and I wondered if they have lost their minds already. The rain crashing down onto the “roof” added an atmosphere close to the world’s end – this day wouldn’t end well, I could feel it.

“The guy who lives locked up in a comfortable warm home with a loving family and a soft bed every night, who gets food every day, who has clean clothes in a giant wardrobe every day asks what we define as freedom? Jochen, are you sure that you can’t understand what we fancy about freedom?” Tanja chuckled and I blushed ashamed. Well, she was right. Sometimes – and with that I meant every time – when I encountered my family I became jealous of my friends who had nothing else but each other, nobody telling them what to do, who to be and how to live their lives.

“Here, to get you on different thoughts.” Philipp threw a bottle with the same liquid he chugged earlier into my lap, I didn’t complain any further.

 

_The path once so clear_

_Faded away_

 

“HEY! HEY!” a familiar voice was heard shouting in the close distance and it didn’t sound promising.

“That’s Sascha …” Philipp murmured and raised himself from his seat, just as said man appeared in our vision.

“You – leave – quickly – please –“ he gasped completely out of breath, almost collapsing onto Philipp. His face was covered in bruises and blood, eyes bloodshot and his whole body trembling – not from the cold weather.

“What are you talking about? Leave?” Tanja asked as she also raised off her seat. Sascha only heavily shook his head and tried to form his inhuman noises into words but failed. We would find out soon enough what exactly he meant by his random chucks of words.

 

_Blessed are the days when life is intent and clear_

_No falter or doubt_

_I know the way_

 

“Hello there, motherfuckers.” another voice reached our ears and I shivered. Sascha tried to warn us …

Timur stepped into the entrance of the shelter, his silhouette seemed to be twice as tall as himself. A sting went through my body and I instantly jumped up to cover my friends as I spotted the shiny gun in his hand.

“You … all dirty assholes of you …” he hissed. He was drunk, no question, probably with drugs in his blood and the bruises on his face told us the rest of the story. This also explained why Sascha looked this horrible.

“Timur, wh-“ Tanja attempted to talk to him but immediately got cut off by the man himself who raised his gun into her direction.

“Shut up, slut!” he spat out and began to talk about his problem by himself, probably better that way. Timur was never an easy person, even after countless alcohol detoxes and drug addiction preventions, he always slipped back into his old behaviors. We weren’t sure if he really couldn’t change or if he just didn’t want any help, but that wasn’t our problem in this moment.

“I can’t wait to see all of you with holes in your heads, you liars, you fucktards. Freedom, fuck freedom, fuck each and every one of you. You kept telling me we are free and we are better than anyone else but you are so blind, so stupid. Stray cunts like you shouldn’t exist, who keep lying to people and pulling them into ruin. Fuck you, all of you. It must hurt being so dumb as you are, let me help to ease your pain.” he slurred and placed his finger on the trigger of his gun.

 

_They are the days, I hoped_

_I have never stepped from this road_

 

I felt the lever inside of me being pulled over as I heard the shot and the woman who always stayed by my side, built me up and was my best friend in this life collapsed into my arms, the red liquid flowing down her face. Tanja.

I didn’t think about mourning, not in this moment. Not so gently, her body landed on the floor as I turned and jumped towards Timur, who already placed his next shot. Philipp’s screams reached my ears and numbed my mind.

The third shot, supposed to hit me, I already pushed Timur off his feet and the bullet brushed my arm. I didn’t care. He fell onto the ground, I kicked the gun out of his hand and turned into fury. I created a blood bath, I didn’t know how much a person can bleed until I saw the crushed skull on the ground, the rain washing the bones clean, Timur’s face no more. And then, then I began to cry.

 

_The spark I once had_

_Seems to have died_

 

Tears mixing up with rain dropped on her face as I gently brushed my hands through her hair. She was dead. Ripped out of my life in a second, minutes before we laughed, minutes after I sat next to her body, crying my eyes out because of her. I didn’t pay much attention to Sascha, the only of us not hurt by a bullet, trying to save Philipp, who was still fighting for his life.

He wouldn’t survive it, no ambulance would be fast enough to help him, nobody would be able to understand what happened here. Silent minutes passed, the sleeve of my jacket was soaked with blood from my own wound but I didn’t care. I didn’t even feel the pain, only the hole that Tanja’s death left in my heart.

Sascha and I looked at each other, holding our best friends’ corpses in our arms. A huge part of me died this day, never to be revived again. We didn’t have the money for graves, so we buried all three of them – even Timur – in the forest, our favorite place just after the shelter.

I voluntarily returned home to my family that day.

They asked and I couldn’t answer. Timur, one of my closest friends – only the first of countless people I would kill in my ongoing life.

 

_Stand Up and Fight_

_Stand Up and Look Into The Light_

_Pushing the clouds away_

 

The past months were the purest form of pain. Sascha sometimes showed up at the front door, we ended up talking for hours about ridiculous things just to end up crying like wolves about what happened. I never thought he and I would get along this well, Timur always claimed Sascha all for himself – and had been better that way.

I found myself laying on my bed, the clock saying something like 4 AM and nothing but the stars shining in my small and shabby room. Sleep had been a privilege since the happening, every time I closed my eyes I saw the faces of those who passed.

What did Timur say before he shot?

Freedom, he questioned freedom. I couldn’t say that I disagreed on what he slurred before doing what he thought was right. Nothing happened as we wished it would and the so-called freedom wasn’t quite as fancy as we expected. It was horrible and yet we bloomed in it. My friends gave up their lives for the wished freedom … everything useless, ended by a simple gunshot.

Tanja, her smile popped in my mind and immediately I missed her again. What would her point of view had been? She was always the first standing up for Timur, trying everything that stood in her power to help him. Even until her last breath she wanted to help him, to change his mind. Help … I had to help people with a similar fate as Timur. There was no place for them on the streets, they needed someone to go to.

 

_Stand Up and Fight_

_Stand Up and See The Sky Turn Bright_

_Fight for a better day_

 

“Noel Pix? Weird choice but as you wish.” Sascha shook his head as I introduced myself with my new name. There was no other way, Jochen Seibert died the same day Tanja, Philipp and Timur left this world.

From now on, Noel would rule my body.

We stood in front of the old abandoned office building Sascha and I purchased earlier for a price not even worth mentioning. This should be our new home, the place I wanted to start my project. Maybe I imagined it different, maybe it wouldn’t work, maybe I would be dead before my next blink of an eye.

Nevertheless, I had to try it. Possible failure or not.

 

_What a relief it would be to end this all_

_How easy to fly the white flag and give up_

 

The Gothkillers, dangerous sounding name for my so called gang which actually wasn’t that dangerous. My motivation was easy to explain. All these years me and my friends tried to live the real life by searching the so-called freedom but all we wished for was belonging somewhere that didn’t follow the norms. I wasn’t going to say that a group as I formed it would’ve saved our lives, but that’s what I wished for.

Quickly we caught some lost youngsters in our nets who helped us building the base of a group which would turn into something nobody would’ve expected at that point. Sascha asked why I did this – for Tanja, for Philipp, for Timur – only for them.

I held out my hands to especially young people, lost as I used to be, searching for freedom and independence. I wanted to support who had nobody, people left behind by their closest, depressed people seeing no way out, even addicts shattering under themselves.

Why would they trust somebody like me?

Believe me, I knew what they were going through, each and every single one of them.

 

_But would I run today just to die another day_

_Give up now and every fight has been in vain_

“The principles. Show me what you learnt, show me that you are worth being a Gothkiller.”

“There is nobody but myself to change me. There is nobody but myself to pay for my mistakes. There is nobody but myself to get what I desire most. I do not wish for freedom, for independence or power. All I wish and live for is nobody but myself – I do not rely on family, I do not rely on friends, I do not rely on love. This will be my home, for now and always. I will support my fellow Gothkillers, for now and always. I will never quit and I accept the fate that is giving my life. There is nobody but myself to become who I am supposed to be, now and for every new day to come.”

 

_Stand Up and Look Into The Light_

 

The Gothkillers grew to a proud size, all those lost guys and girls, slowly finding their ways back on track. I didn’t know that this many people actually craved for my help, that they were ready to sell their life to me. I wasn’t sure if all of them understood that leaving this group was impossible and paid with death. Why? They shouldn’t slip off track again once I leave them out of my sight. That was cruel, I knew that well enough but you don’t get stuff done without a kick in your ass.

There were also some people who stood out of my lost souls, who became my closest advisors and leap dogs. Alexander was one of them. I picked him off the streets by myself, pulling him out of his horrible fate he had to face as a homeless man. He was critical about the Gothkillers at first, understandable, but day after day he really grew into it. I was proud of him. I needed him by my side, not even the strongest Noel Pix could face what was bound to happen. Not only did I play the support for my people – they also played an important support for me.

 

_Stand Up and See The Sky Turn Bright_

 

I was trying to fight the roots of the reason most of my people came to me in the first place – drugs. More than half of the members of the gang used to be addicted or were going through drug withdrawal and more kept coming, the feel inside of me to prevent any more drug victims became too huge and not sure how I came there I found myself in front of a group of people, fully weaponized and probably not ready to talk anything drug-related.

That was the moment my gang slipped where it should’ve never gone and it wasn’t undoable – the drug war. Never piss off the underground, never piss off the drug lords. I did both, I regretted both.

I taught my women and men how to defend themselves, I taught them how to fight and shoot with guns. My gang was at danger and I would do anything to keep them safe. I failed that often enough.

How could a group that was rooting for helping drug addicts run into the drug war …

 

_Get up, you’ve made it this far_

_No loser you are_

 

It was rare that I found myself locked up in my personal room, questioning my life as I did often enough already. At that point, all of us already got used to the whole new situation we found ourselves in. The new direction however brought also advantages, like easier funding of the gang through activities (which were not always much legal) and giving lost souls a new reason for life – many of us weren’t much fond about the use of guns so they were taught in several different fighting techniques. They made me proud, nevertheless, even on this way.

I heard a knock against my door and I knew it had to be JP, he and Alexander were the only people allowed to be this close to my personal space. Sascha? Told him to get lost as it became too troublesome for him. He never vowed on the principles, he was free to go. Talking about the principles, JP told me that our newest member was ready for his vow.

 I eyed the man in front of me, he seemed way too confident in himself. JP told me he had never seen a better fighter than this guy, all that he used as weapon was his baton. I knew what I did by giving him JP as mentor, he was a well choice for new leading positions.

“So, Rupert, you say you are ready to give your vow?” I murmured and took a step back, eyeing the blonde guy in his whole.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” he nodded and crossed his arms. A proud man, he knew what he was doing. He spoke the vow without any mistakes, became an official Gothkiller. He would be a great one someday, I knew it.

 

_One more time_

_One more try_

 

The sudden noise from the entrance hall confused me and as I checked the happenings I regretted leaving my room this morning at all. Those weren’t all members I sent onto the mission and I didn’t expect those who showed up soaked in blood and wounds. I felt my heart clenching together, pictures of the day Timur decided to set and end to my old life …

Silently I watched the mess in the hall and just seconds later, all that was left were JP and Rupert, both horribly wounded, shouting at each other. I couldn’t make out what they said, every step I took further in their direction made me feel weaker. I became a monster.

Unconsciously my legs lost their strength and the world around me turned black. Some faint shouts of my name reached my ears but seconds after I was already gone, buried in a sleep lasting for a few hours.

I dreamt about my dead friends.

I began hating my dead friends – I cursed my dead friends.

 

_The pouring rain_

_Sticks my hair to my face_

 

I stood outside, the rain soaking my clothes. I didn’t mind. I reminded myself of the early days, back when all I did was giving lost souls a warm and safe shelter, helping them back on track in this difficult world. Nowadays? Even the police themselves were too afraid to show up at our doors, every day a new message about someone’s death reached me and the situation became worse day by day.

However … the lost souls never stopped coming. It had been over 30 years ago when I started and day to day I found new people in front of my door, begging me to let them join the Gothkillers. They saw me as role model, the fearless leader of a fearless gang fighting against the underground. They reached out for me – not somebody else – especially for me.

For all of these years I raised so many people by my principles, each and every one of them turned out as a fine woman or man. There were no exceptions. The principles … there was never a better cure.

 

_Stand Up and Fight_

 

“You dare standing in front of me, telling me to obey your stupid principals while you basically kill us off like lemmings? You’re such a false snake, Pix.” Rupert shouted into my face and I contained myself to not merciless shout back – people were watching.

We stood in the middle of the hall, our “conversation” attracted way too many spectators. Rupert was obviously calling me out and I should’ve known to not underestimate him. He was furious, never saw him like this ever before, not even on the day he and JP returned from the failed mission.

“Rupert, don’t do things you will regret.” I tried to calm him but only fueled the fire even more.

“Oh boy, I already regret joining this pack of dumbasses in the first place. You have no idea how your fanatic thoughts ruined this group, how you turn crazier every new day and how you let out your anger on your people. I shit on your principles, Pix.” he hissed and grabbed me by my collar. Nobody interfered, Alex and JP knew to never interfere a discussion between me and my people, even if it became physical.

“We can talk about everything, Rupert.” I murmured but all that came as reply was a heavy punch into my face, my nose crackling in a not very pleasing way. I was used to getting hurt, a broken nose wasn’t much of a big deal.

“I don’t want to talk anymore. I am leaving, you and your shitty gang. Fuck the principles, fuck this place and fuck you in particular.” he barked, pushed me onto the ground and headed towards the door. He knew the consequences – he knew he sentenced himself to death in this very moment.

“Noel?” Alex asked and helped me back onto my feet, handing me a tissue to stop the blood running from my nose.

“Give him two more minutes. I want him alive.” I shook my head and made my way to my room. Nobody who ever tried to leave came out alive, he wouldn’t be an exception.


End file.
